Food

Hot Women Who Steal Testicles

According to Japanese folklore, sazae (turban snails) have often been related to what Japanese call Yōkai (ghosts).
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Pictured is sazae (Turban shell) the way it’s served at the Westin Hotel in Osaka, Japan

Although the type of ghost you need to be on the watch for are the ones that take a human form which is called o-bake (“shapeshifters”), and if you are equipped with testicles, I suggest you keep them in your pants otherwise be warned of the sazae-oni (“shellfish ogre”).

Read This or Potentially Lose Your Testicles

Not sure if this is true or not (haha), but there’s a folklore about a bunch of pirates from the Wakayama and Mie Prefecture who had come across a woman in distress and fortunately for her, the crew was able to save her from nearly drowning.

The crew didn’t do this out of the goodness of their heart for that “feel good feeling,” but they did it because she was super hot and this is a ship with a bunch of dudes aboard, and did I tell you that they were pirates?! You know, the type that likes to “rape and pillage,” and they have no problem grabbing a girl by the arm (ok, the arm is tame, but you got what I mean).

Once onboard, they were like “damn, that girl be hot, and I want to get all up on this girl even if it means I’ll just take what I want because I’ve only seen dudes this entire voyage.”

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Image by Toriyama Sekien

The mob of pirates started to get all rapey as the story pans out, but luckily for dudes she actually had her eyes on the entire crew because she wasn’t just a one man kind of girl. What she was, was the type where she wanted to take on the whole crew although I don’t know if this was one-on-one, or as a group, but yea, she ended up having sex with all of them.

The giant orgy wasn’t the most cringe worthy part of the story because in the process of the freakfest she had with the crew, she ended up biting off everyone’s testicles somehow (I don’t know about you, but this is the part of the lore that I think would notice right away). I don’t know how this happened because after I saw one buddy get his balls bit off, I’d pass on my turn. I suppose she was just too damn hot which is why all of them lost their balls (but you know how guys be like).

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Maybe the sazae-oni looked like Ayumi Sakai… just a guess.

Biting off and stealing testicles is something that can irritate a crew, so apparently, the crew wasn’t having it with her because of all the testicle biting she was doing. Even being all hot, the crew decided to confront her although I’m sure there was at least one dude who was willing to put up with her but majority rules, especially amongst pirates.

After the mob of dudes confronted her, this is when she knew she couldn’t talk her way out of this one. This is when she revealed her true form, so she was like “ok, so now I’m going to get real with you fools” *poof* (it might’ve not been a poof, or more of a *transformation*). Off came the wonder bra, girdle, eyelashes, and then she reveals herself to the crew that she’s a giant shellfish Ogre aka sazae-oni.

The crew was taken back, but there is always that one dude who yells out “I knew it all along,” but the rest of the crew was like “no eff’n way fool, you didn’t,” and they start getting into it with each other because they all thought they were hooking up with a 9-10, but she was actually shellfish ogre who was more like a 2 or a 3. Some of the crew may have tried to play if off that they were drunk, and some say they were just giving in to peer pressure, but most didn’t care in the end because she had everybody’s balls.

Luckily for them, even though everything that had transpired aboard the ship, the girl was all about that gold, so she was down to barter with the captain in exchange for the crew’s testicles back. Since the captain was a reasonable man, and that he was also missing his balls, he quickly decided to give in to her demands.

After she had traded for some gold, she gave back the crews testicles, and she was faintly heard saying “bye Felicia”.

For the legitimate and proper tale, you can go here where they have a bunch of other ghost stories to read.