Restaurant

Kuniko’s, the Lone Japanese Mother and Daughter Restaurant in the Town of Grand Junction, C0

Even though Kuniko’s Teriyaki Grill is one of the only Japanese owned and operated businesses in a town with a population of less than 1% Asian, you will still get whiny little Yelpers with frivolous things to bitch about.

Some businesses do deserve a 1-star rating, but some Yelpers will give them no matter what. I mean, I would not be surprised by a Yelper who was rescued by Search and Rescue to only have them turn around and give them a 1-star review for the blankets not being soft or warm enough.

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The sushi bar is only here because there are still a lot of American’s who only think “sushi” when it comes to Japanese food although every French person does wear a beret and eat french fries and baguettes all day, everyday.

The internet gives every moron (including my moron self) the power to express our opinion

That great power requires every blogger, Yelper, YouTuber, or anybody posting something publicly (especially dick pics) to yield that power with great responsibility. Unfortunately, the vast majority of Yelpers never got that memo which is why I am here to help bring balance to the force. Yes, I’m trying to be a Yoda of the restaurant world.

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If the internet and YouTube didn’t fill your life with enough cat videos, you have Kuniko’s to get your dose of cat (aka Maneki neko, a good luck cat).

Real reviews, by some really oblivious people, that is Yelp:

This is my real review of the 1 and 2-star Yelpers reviews (IMHO, hahahaha). The vast majority of reviews (21) give it 3+ stars with 13 reviews that are 5-stars.

“My rating is so low strictly for the use of MSG. When asked if they use MSG the response was “only a little.” She said she could leave it off of whatever” – 1-star rating, Jaycee J. or aka “jayjaybinks,” Grand Junction, CO.

Jaycee J. is one of those supposedly MSG sensitive people only when it comes to Asian food. Isn’t that odd because she has a 5-star rating for Denny’s which has supposedly been known to use MSG or the equivalent which is hydrolyzed vegetable protein (HVP) throughout their entire menu. To top it all off, she also has a chain and an Italian restaurant reviewed which both have menu items that naturally produce MSG. She must not know that glutamates are naturally produced in meat, Parmesan cheese, to tomatoes although not a single mention of it in her reviews.

” I wonder what it’s like on a busy day, becaThey seem understaffed. Food was also poorly done (gyoza was falling apart, and Ramen was watered down).” – 2-star rating, Cheyenne P., Yelp Elite, Anaheim, CA.

Cheyenne P., Ohhhh SHIT, we got a Yelp ELITE here! With her Elite wisdom she wonders why is this place not packed constantly in a small town of 62k vs. Denver with 693k. I don’t know why a town that is made up of 91.73% white folk are not all flocking to eat Japanese food at every hour of the day. Also since when is that the metric for how good a restaurant is? Isn’t the metric whether or not you personally like the food? (I know, you need crowd size to help you determine the popularity of a president to a restaurant).

“Let me start by stating that I am half Japanese, spent 19 years in Japan, and  have been married to a Japanese woman for 15 years. I was in GJ for work, and decided to stop in one night. My wife hates it when I spend money eating out at a Japanese place to eat foods we regularly eat at home…. – 1-star, Ken M., Denver, CO”

Ken M. starts off with dropping his stats that are along the lines that he’s half-Japanese, married to a Japanese women, drives a Japanese car, lived in Japan, has eaten Japanese food in Japan, has eaten it in a car, on a train, on a plane, blah, blah, blah. With all of those highly touted credentials, it is not a surprise that he then goes on to rule that Kuniko’s is obviously a 1-star rating because of the one time he went. Unfortunately for Kuniko’s, his visit coincided when the owners may have been on vacation at the time which is is why he feels like things were not up to his satisfaction or in his words “a Japanese owner/chef would never have served such a dish, especially if the place is frequented by Japanese people.” Well then, his one visit and one star visit is justified with that sort of Japanese street cred.

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If you’re not eating enough sprigs of parsley with your steaks, you just might want to eat some veggies.

Real Japanese homecooking

If you might be thinking Italian people eat something like Pizza Hut as their weekly diet (you might be right about that), but you might be shocked to know that Japanese people don’t eat sushi on the daily. What they do eat is is a lot like the menu at Kuniko’s.

Appetizer and Entree

What you’ll want to choose from are either the tempura, gyoza, seaweed salad, obento box, and any of the donburi (basically meat, vegetable, etc. on top of rice). Out of it all, my goto would be the tempura, oyako don and ten don. I also highly suggest you try the katsu curry which is like a German/Austrian schnitzel with a Japanese curry (yea, not exactly like the Thai or Indian stuff).

Noodles and Soup

I would order the nabeyaki which utilizes big fat wheat noodles called udon with a variety of toppings in it although I especially like the fried tempura items. As a secondary choice, yakisoba. One of the least known Japanese foods, but with Americans love for lo mein, chow mein, chow fun, and Asian noodles in general, you would think this stir fried noodle would have a bigger demand in Murica.

Sushi and Sashimi

Well I think you’re familiar with all these items although if you want to try traditional rolls, try kappa (cucumber), tekka (just tuna), inari (fried tofu pocket with rice stuffed in it) and futomaki (vegetarian roll).

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Here’s your salad because the vegetables on your burger just don’t cut it.

Salads are an American thing because most of us don’t eat our veggies, and veggies are more decorative like a sprig of parsley on a steak.

If you’re wondering where Asians get our vegetables in our diets from, think of an Asian dish, and I bet it’s made up of at least half vegetables (don’t picture tonkatsu in your head even though I’m mentioning it).

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Chicken, egg, and rice, or “oyakodon” which is chicken (mother) and egg (child), and rice in a bowl (donburi).

The best part, is when done right like this one, there’s a slightly sweet soy sauce dashi (stock) that the entire dish is prepared in (not just plain rice).

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If you can barely fold a paper airplane, you might want to learn some origami to up your game.
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Free Weeeee feeeeeee, ok it’s Why Fai
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These cranes won’t crap on your head regardless what you write about Kuniko’s because they fly responsibly over your head for your enjoyment.
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They don’t have these handmade items inside of Applebee’s or Denny’s.
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Totoro is hiding in the background.
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When it comes to points of flare, Kuniko’s isn’t short on it, and they brought a lot these back from Japan except for probably the Rockstar cooler.
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I can’t help but post their entire bounty of trinkets.
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Spirited Away! If you don’t know, you better go watch the movie Spirited Away if you love or have watched any Pixar movie.
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That is not a  Pokemon begging you for tips, but it is a tanuki (a Japanese raccoon dog).

Overall Kuniko’s scores 4-stars on Yelp, TripAdvisor, and 4.3 on Google Places out of 5 (which is very good)

I highly suggest you try out this authentic Japanese restaurant which is four hours outside of Denver in Grand Junction, Colorado. It is one of the few places in all of Colorado that serves up real Japanese food that is cooked-to-order, just like okasan (your mama) or obachan (gam gams)…. well only if you’re Japanese, if not, that box of Hamburger Helper has a sweet spot in your heart like Japanese people have for the food here.

Kuniko’s Teriyaki Grill

Village Fair Plaza
1133 Patterson Rd
Grand Junction, CO 81506
(970) 241-9245
www.kunikojap.com (I cringe writing out that domain name)
Tues-Fri: 11am-2pm, 4:30-8:30pm Sat: 5:30pm-11pm, Sun: Closed

2 comments

  1. Couldn’t agree more! There are people who just like to put things down for the sake of putting them down. Anyways…thanks for the review. I’m probably going to visit CO in the near future and this is a spot I gotta try now. Thanks!

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